Drunk Ohio Woman Poops Pants During Traffic Stop, Blames Corn

Pick the true statements from the following list:

1. 46 year old Wendy Phillips was driving drunk.
2. Her 4 year old daughter was in the back seat.
3. She pulled in front of a police cruiser and nearly crashed into a stop sign.
4. She tossed an empty vodka bottle out the window, breaking it on the courthouse driveway.
5. She shit her pants during the traffic stop, blaming it on eating too much corn.
6. She is one of the worst mothers on the planet.

If you picked all of the above, you are correct-a-mundo.

Phillips has a previous drunk driving charge, so she's obviously attempting to top her prior effort. One of these days, she's going to kill someone. Let's hope that it's not her innocent daughter.

Now would be a good time for those zero-tolerance drunk driving sentences to kick in.

NBC4i

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Boehner Flip Flops on BP Liability Cap

Orange Julius House Minority Leader John "Man Tan" Boehner has changed his tune yet again, calling for the liability cap against BP to be lifted entirely.

Like a drunken sailor on his first night of shore leave, Boehner has lurched to-and-fro on BP, his position morphing in response to howls of outrage from sane people everywhere each time he opens his smoke-billowing mouth and draws a new indefensible line in the oil drenched sand.

Perhaps Boehner realizes that BP's precipitous drop in market capitalization means they won't be tossing large campaign donations his way anytime soon, and even if they did, progressives will be following the money and squawking loudly at any politician accepting petroleum largess until every last dime of cleanup cost and restitution has been paid, which certainly won't be this year, and perhaps not 2011 either.

If Boehner could blame oily birds on abortion and Obama, he certainly would. But even the most dense of our citizenry is beginning to connect the dots between regulatory impotence, lax oversight, and obscene safety shortcuts in the name of profits, and Republicans have been selling dot ink for decades. It's difficult to proclaim your innocence when the public plainly sees the blood on your hands.

So it's politically beneficial for Boehner to zig after he's zagged, because the zealots who vote for him obviously buy what he's selling. Sad, but true. Until the Great Miami River is awash in crude, folks are more interested in affordable fuel for their SUVs and pickup trucks.

Drill, baby, drill.

Wonder what Boehner's next position will be? Toss your guesses into the comments.

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